Admittedly, I've been really rather disconnected from Self as of late. I've been working to make things better for my family financially here in the mundane. As a result, I've been really quite focused on projects that I have in varying stages of progress. I realized this this morning when a dear friend in one of my spiritual circle asked me if I had gotten of her emails from the past few days. I had to admit that, no I hadn't. I had been checking my emails from my phone and had forgotten to add my spiritual account to it... I went in to 560 emails this morning.
I should realized this sooner, though, as I am starting to feel... Well... "off".
It did not help matters, when hanging out on my mundane account on Facebook, I came across a video about a woman who allowed her boyfriend to torture and kill her son. From that one, I saw one about a woman, who killed her 4 daughters and left them to decompose in her house for at least 7 months.
The mundane is a good place in some instances. It allows me to see my thoughts manifest, which they've been doing quite a bit of lately. I've been feeling as I'm soaring, but, if one does not go back to one's source periodically, one can start to feel detached, and that is when the off-ness begins to seep in, which it has.
With regard to the kids... As terrible and callous as it may sound to some... I still believe that everything happens for a reason.
And... one thing did occur to me this morning... I've been trying to get away from ritual. It always seems so... ceremonial to me, like I'm going through the motions, but I realized that there is room for ritual. I'm not speaking of the bits that I've been trying to get away from, but... every day rituals. I realized that they can help you to remain connected, even when in the midst of a torrent of activity.
This is something that I'm planning to take a closer look at and work to instill more ritual into my day to day life. That way, I can still remain connected, even if it is only in the small still moments.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Day 14,843 - Universal Reminder: Let the Heart Lead
I had a very dear friend move away this week. One would think that this is something that I have become accustomed to over the years. We are a military family, after all. It is part of the lifestyle, however, it is something that I do not think I will ever become accustomed to - saying "see you later".
For, while the internet makes it possible to remain in contact with friends and family all over the world... there is only one or two friends I've been "separated" from by a move that I have actually had the pleasure to see again. Within, it feels more like "goodbye" than "see you later". "Later" rarely ever come...
"Losing" a friend can be a great change in one's life, and like all changes it can sometimes be akin to a small "death". With such situations, one can quite often experience grief as a result. In this situation, I've gone through denial, and, now, I've realized - today - I'm going through anger... Not the sort that one would be able to look at and immediately label as such, but it is anger none-the-less.
See, my friend was also my neighbor... And, while it is only going on a week since she and her family moved out, we already have new neighbors.
Now, admittedly, I am not an outgoing person. Not by any stretch of the imagination. It takes a while for me to warm up to someone. (It took some time for my friend and I to begin to spend time together.) I suppose you could say that I am guarded. But, when I do... Well, I like to think that I can be one of the warmest and kindest individuals you could meet. At least, I try to be...
Where our new neighbors are concerned, I find I am torn. I long for friendship with them, especially having experienced what it was like to have a dear friend living right next door. Yet... they are not she and her family, and it is the other side of the fence where I believe I am experiencing my grief.
It manifests in my thoughts and feelings. I have noticed myself becoming rather nit-picky about situations that I have not had time to confirm or deny where our new neighbors are concerned. It's too soon. They've only been here for a couple of days. I have been critical... It wasn't until this morning I realized this, after reading words shared by a wise friend on Facebook...
And while they were not necessarily meant for me, they were not lost on me. For it was through digesting them, that I realized, were I to keep on the mental path I was on, the situation with my new neighbors may have been "doomed" from the very beginning. Call it what you will... self-creation, self-fulfilling prophecy... what have you. It all boils down to the very same thing.
Today, I have been reminded that one can mentally know something - hear the words and regurgitate them verbatim - but if they are not truly digested and implemented where appropriate (ie in one's life) they are meaningless. Only by living the principle, can the lesson truly be learned. Which brings me back to a motto that I have allowed to fall by the wayside...
~N
For, while the internet makes it possible to remain in contact with friends and family all over the world... there is only one or two friends I've been "separated" from by a move that I have actually had the pleasure to see again. Within, it feels more like "goodbye" than "see you later". "Later" rarely ever come...
"Losing" a friend can be a great change in one's life, and like all changes it can sometimes be akin to a small "death". With such situations, one can quite often experience grief as a result. In this situation, I've gone through denial, and, now, I've realized - today - I'm going through anger... Not the sort that one would be able to look at and immediately label as such, but it is anger none-the-less.
See, my friend was also my neighbor... And, while it is only going on a week since she and her family moved out, we already have new neighbors.
Now, admittedly, I am not an outgoing person. Not by any stretch of the imagination. It takes a while for me to warm up to someone. (It took some time for my friend and I to begin to spend time together.) I suppose you could say that I am guarded. But, when I do... Well, I like to think that I can be one of the warmest and kindest individuals you could meet. At least, I try to be...
Where our new neighbors are concerned, I find I am torn. I long for friendship with them, especially having experienced what it was like to have a dear friend living right next door. Yet... they are not she and her family, and it is the other side of the fence where I believe I am experiencing my grief.
It manifests in my thoughts and feelings. I have noticed myself becoming rather nit-picky about situations that I have not had time to confirm or deny where our new neighbors are concerned. It's too soon. They've only been here for a couple of days. I have been critical... It wasn't until this morning I realized this, after reading words shared by a wise friend on Facebook...
"Joy is cultivated through the way that you live your life. When a person integrates spirit into everyday life and expresses loving kindness to the self and others -- joy naturally follows." ~Rev Angela Peregoff ♥
"If you propose to speak, always ask yourself, is it true, is it necessary, is it kind?"~ Buddha
And while they were not necessarily meant for me, they were not lost on me. For it was through digesting them, that I realized, were I to keep on the mental path I was on, the situation with my new neighbors may have been "doomed" from the very beginning. Call it what you will... self-creation, self-fulfilling prophecy... what have you. It all boils down to the very same thing.
Today, I have been reminded that one can mentally know something - hear the words and regurgitate them verbatim - but if they are not truly digested and implemented where appropriate (ie in one's life) they are meaningless. Only by living the principle, can the lesson truly be learned. Which brings me back to a motto that I have allowed to fall by the wayside...
Let the heart lead...
~N
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