Day 15,001

Admittedly, I've been really rather disconnected from Self as of late.  I've been working to make things better for my family financially here in the mundane.  As a result, I've been really quite focused on projects that I have in varying stages of progress.  I realized this this morning when a dear friend in one of my spiritual circle asked me if I had gotten of her emails from the past few days.  I had to admit that, no I hadn't.  I had been checking my emails from my phone and had forgotten to add my spiritual account to it...  I went in to 560 emails this morning.

I should realized this sooner, though, as I am starting to feel... Well... "off".

It did not help matters, when hanging out on my mundane account on Facebook, I came across a video about a woman who allowed her boyfriend to torture and kill her son.  From that one, I saw one about a woman, who killed her 4 daughters and left them to decompose in her house for at least 7 months.

The mundane is a good place in some instances.  It allows me to see my thoughts manifest, which they've been doing quite a bit of lately.  I've been feeling as I'm soaring, but, if one does not go back to one's source periodically, one can start to feel detached, and that is when the off-ness begins to seep in, which it has.

With regard to the kids... As terrible and callous as it may sound to some... I still believe that everything happens for a reason.

And... one thing did occur to me this morning...  I've been trying to get away from ritual.  It always seems so... ceremonial to me, like I'm going through the motions, but I realized that there is room for ritual.  I'm not speaking of the bits that I've been trying to get away from, but... every day rituals.  I realized that they can help you to remain connected, even when in the midst of a torrent of activity.

This is something that I'm planning to take a closer look at and work to instill more ritual into my day to day life.  That way, I can still remain connected, even if it is only in the small still moments.

Day 14,843 - Universal Reminder: Let the Heart Lead

I had a very dear friend move away this week.  One would think that this is something that I have become accustomed to over the years.  We are a military family, after all.  It is part of the lifestyle, however, it is something that I do not think I will ever become accustomed to - saying "see you later".

For, while the internet makes it possible to remain in contact with friends and family all over the world... there is only one or two friends I've been "separated" from by a move that I have actually had the pleasure to see again.  Within, it feels more like "goodbye" than "see you later".  "Later" rarely ever come...

"Losing" a friend can be a great change in one's life, and like all changes it can sometimes be akin to a small "death".  With such situations, one can quite often experience grief as a result.  In this situation, I've gone through denial, and, now, I've realized - today - I'm going through anger...  Not the sort that one would be able to look at and immediately label as such, but it is anger none-the-less.

See, my friend was also my neighbor...  And, while it is only going on a week since she and her family moved out, we already have new neighbors.

Now, admittedly, I am not an outgoing person.  Not by any stretch of the imagination.  It takes a while for me to warm up to someone.  (It took some time for my friend and I to begin to spend time together.)  I suppose you could say that I am guarded.  But, when I do...  Well, I like to think that I can be one of the warmest and kindest individuals you could meet.  At least, I try to be...

Where our new neighbors are concerned, I find I am torn.  I long for friendship with them, especially having experienced what it was like to have a dear friend living right next door.  Yet... they are not she and her family, and it is the other side of the fence where I believe I am experiencing my grief.

It manifests in my thoughts and feelings.  I have noticed myself becoming rather nit-picky about situations that I have not had time to confirm or deny where our new neighbors are concerned.  It's too soon.  They've only been here for a couple of days.  I have been critical... It wasn't until this morning I realized this, after reading words shared by a wise friend on Facebook...

"Joy is cultivated through the way that you live your life. When a person integrates spirit into everyday life and expresses loving kindness to the self and others -- joy naturally follows." ~Rev Angela Peregoff ♥

"If you propose to speak, always ask yourself, is it true, is it necessary, is it kind?"~ Buddha

And while they were not necessarily meant for me, they were not lost on me.  For it was through digesting them, that I realized, were I to keep on the mental path I was on, the situation with my new neighbors may have been "doomed" from the very beginning.  Call it what you will... self-creation, self-fulfilling prophecy... what have you.  It all boils down to the very same thing.

Today, I have been reminded that one can mentally know something - hear the words and regurgitate them verbatim - but if they are not truly digested and implemented where appropriate (ie in one's life) they are meaningless.  Only by living the principle, can the lesson truly be learned.  Which brings me back to a motto that I have allowed to fall by the wayside...

Let the heart lead...

~N

Day 14,749 - Wise Words

Bits of wisdom shared with me by Spirit today...

Life is a lesson that we are faced with in every moment of life. It is not restricted to a single hour or day of the week. We are asked to grow as a spirit in every moment we live and are constantly faced with opportunities in which to do just that.  It is our job, however, to see that moment as an opportunity rather than an inconvenience.  

~ ME ♥

Day 14,687 - Consciously Re-Opening

I've been sick lately. It's nothing terribly major. Just annoying, really...

Before Hubby left for Afghanistan, I did have difficulties where my heart was concerned. High blood pressure. Given the situation, I'm not surprised that was the area where my difficulties resided. I did get it regulated, though...

When he came back for R & R, all was well. That was until it was time for him to leave, again...

The day after he left, I went to Urgent Care with my eldest daughter.  We were both seen and underwent treatment for Strep Throat. I have been sick since. Once the meds were taken, I seemingly succumbed to some sort of summer cold? Still throat problems... coughing...  I'm rarely sick.

Now, I don't say all of this for a woe-is-me sort of thing. Rather, I've begun to come to the conclusion that there is more to it than mere physical ailments. I've begun to look at the possibility that my throat chakra is out of whack; the possibility that I'm not speaking my Truth and the possibility that I'm "sucking things up" and not releasing the pent up energy that comprises my truth. As a result, I can feel myself being led back to the path that, admittedly, I have strayed from.

As of late, I've been living my dream, watching as it slowly manifests before me.  My dream/goal for my talents of storytelling and writing.  It's been a beautiful thing thus far, but has been coming at a price.  I've been living firmly in the physical and denying my spiritual nature, and, therefore, my "practices".

I've realized this and am making my way back... slowly, as is usually the case when one deviates from the trail.

I've been being called back, or so I believe...  The Universe has been "rubbing my back" and "drying my tears" in the manners that are natural for it.

The other day, my "faery garden" daffodil (a long story for another time) bloomed on the day I needed it most...

The next day, I was visited by a little friend...

Both yellow in color... Yellow (among other things):

"Activates and cheers up depressed and melancholic people. Gives lust for life."

Definitely what I've been needing as of late.  A bit more research with regard to my little friend, though, revealed a couple more things to me.

"Keynote: Awakening to the Nature Spirits" and "Black and yellow are the colors of the archangel Auriel" ~ Ted Andrews, Animal Speak

Suffice to say that I can see the messages that I'm most needing to hear at the moment, reflected among the Nature Spirits...  My vision clearly being confirmed in other incidents...  A respite from the Journey has been taken.  I'm reconnected... renewed.  It's time to begin the next leg of the journey.  In it, I know that I'm not alone.  Never alone.

~N

Day 14,620 - Emergency Response Rituals

One of the groups that I have been involved with in the past - unfortunately, they're too far away for us to physically visit with them now - is doing several workings that are focused on the oil spill in the gulf.  Tonight is the first one, and I realize this is rather late notice, but I still wanted to get this out with the belief that those that are supposed to find this... will.

Details taken from the CLG group at Facebook:

"We organized an emergency ritual plan to entreat the Shining Ones to help stop the oil leak, minimize the damage and heal the devastating effects of such a catastrophe.

!!PLEASE READ CAREFULLY--your physical presence is not required for the effort!! ♥

We are inviting those that cannot make it to the rituals to join us in sending energy, simultaneous ritual activity, etc from wherever you are. Invite your Pagan friends and even your non-Pagan pals to help us, either by attending the ritual, sharing in meditation, or adding the current prayer to your daily prayers/rituals.

The more the merrier--if there is interest in coordinating simultaneous rituals, we'd be positively delighted. Of course, for other Groves or Solitaries interested in taking part in the simultaneous ritual aspect, we offer the following suggestion for maintaining potency of intention: 

Keep the prayer the same, but form your ritual around which pantheon or patrons resonate deeply within your group for optimal efficacy.

We have prepared a series of prayers (subject to change depending on the current state of the emergency) for three (3) consecutive emergency rituals.

The first prayer is as follows:

"Stop the flow of the oil from the Deepwater Horizon well head with minimal repercussions."

The second prayer is as follows:

"Stop the spread of the oil slick with minimal repercussions to Earth."

The third prayer is as follows:

"Empower the healers in the cleaning of Mother Earth"

The first emergency ritual will be held this Friday, May 7th, at CLG. Meet at 7, the ritual will begin AT 7:30.

The Deities to be honored (at CLG) are as follows:
Thor
Jorth
Baldur

The second emergency ritual will be held next Friday, May 14th, at CLG. Meet at 7, the ritual will begin at 7:30.

The Deities to be honored (at CLG) are as follows:
Manannan MacLir
Lugh
Brigid

The third emergency ritual will be held May 21st, provided the above schedule is consistent with what action is necessary by that point. A pantheon has not yet been officially named. It will be addressed later.

Please, please, please Pagans: the Earth needs us.

For updates on this effort, you can read them on our Grove Forum here:

http://www.cedarlightgrove.org/board/index.php?topic=3815.0

Day 14,618 - General Busyness and PVE2010

This weekend past was quite a busy one for the Circle Clan, which is good.  It makes time that Ean is physically away from us go quickly by, while making many wonderful memories with my kids at the very same time.

Beltane was a quiet, private affair for me this year.  I'm planning to go more into detail and muse about them for a submission to Warriors and Kin, though, so I won't do it here.

With all of the busy-ness, I have gotten rather behind, I'm afraid.  So, between catching up on posts, the blogs I follow with Google Reader, and my email, I have my hands rather full this morning.  I did, however, come across something that I had come across on my Blackberry, but wanted to leave until such time as I could give it the proper attention it deserves.

International Pagan Values Blogging and Podcasting Month 2010 is coming up next month.

Admittedly, I haven't been too terribly active within the blogosphere until most recently.  So, I didn't take part in this last year, but I have to say that I'm rather excited about it.  I believe it will give me an opportunity to better solidify within my own mind what my values, not only as a person, but as a pagan really are.  I hope you'll join me, as well as the rest of the participants for it!  It should be quite enlightening for all...

Day 14,614 - Beltaine

A Happy Beltaine to all!  The growing season within, as well as without, is moving into full swing.  If only it would become more apparent here in the North.  The weather gods are taunting us.  A beautifully warm and sunny day here, and a COLD rainy/snowy day there...  I'm certain, however, in the middle of the summer, though, we'll be wishing for the cold, again.

As I was saying, though, the growing season is moving into full swing, and the seeds that were sewn early in the spring are beginning to sprout.  The manner which I truly am seeing this in a physical manifestation is where my writing is concerned.

Storytelling has been a part of my life ever since I was able to string multiple words together in a coherent sentence.  Perhaps even before then.  So, I suppose it comes as no surprise that one of my greatest dreams has always been to become a published author.  It is that dream that I have recommitted myself to this growing season, and to a small degree this is something that I've accomplished most recently.  I have become a contributing writer in a couple of venues, including Warriors and Kin.

Warriors & Kin, will give a voice to Pagan men and women who are serving, or who have served, in the United States military. Military Pagans have often been at the front lines of many Pagan rights issues, and their honorable service has endured prejudice and misunderstanding from politicians, government agencies, and even the Pagan communities they call home. We are hoping that this project will not only shine a light into the struggles of both Pagan veterans and active duty personnel, but serve as a tool to build bridges within our faiths between those who have served and those who have not.

In addition, the blog will also see contributions from military spouses, family, and supporters, including a Pagan mother whose son is entering the armed forces, a military spouse who wrote an award-winning book concerning Pagans in the military, and a volunteer with Soldier’s Angels, a nonprofit personal support group for deployed troops overseas.

In all honesty?  I've read the bios of the other participants, and I'm feeling a little anxious.  Intimidated.  I know that we all have unique experiences and things to contribute, but still... An award winning author? There are even meritorious veterans.  What does a military spouse that is trying to better define her own spirituality within paganism have to offer others in light of such contributors?

I tell myself, and fully believe, that there is a reason for everything, and this is no exception.  There is a reason that I came across the call for writers and a reason why I was invited...

I know not what the Universe has planned for me, but I'll happily follow along, knowing that there is some bigger plan that I cannot yet completely see.  It is all good, and it all has purpose.

~N