It’s a frigid morning, and, apparently, it’s not supposed to get too much warmer today. In fact, there seems to be a wind chill advisory for the morning. The snow has seemingly drifted. Our poor pooch friend had to venture into it this morning. Something that I don’t envy him in the least.
The morning – despite the sound of our two alarms going off – did have a pleasant enough beginning. I rolled over toward my mate and slowly cracking my eyes open, I looked at him, and in a way that I don’t do often enough. I looked at him in the dimness of light, not as the father of our children, nor as even the bread winner or warrior – protector of this once great land of ours. No, I looked at him as… my love.
Now, this is not to say that I do not always love for that is never the case. I have loved him since the first night we met. No, rather this is to say that, admittedly, I do not always stop to look at him in such a manner, which quite honestly saddens me to take note of.
Each of us has many hats that we wear throughout our existence. Many roles that we play, either for our own benefit or the benefit of others. I play “mom” a good deal of the time. Yet, that is not one that I play solely for those around me. Too, I do that out of an inner need… an inner calling. I am a nurturer, giver of motherly love. Though, that is a role that I, myself, have had to grow into. But, that is a story for another time…
It has been my experience, and that which I’ve not really been aware of until this morning, that it is easy to get so wrapped up in the roles that we play. So much so that, quite often, we lose sight of those that most bring us joy; those that feed our spirits. Now, this is not to say that I do not enjoy my motherly “persona”. I do, and it does bring me joy, just in a manner different than that which I experience when I’m being “lover”, “best friend”. When I am those things… I, too, am being nurtured. At least, such is my experience and the manner in which I interpret it.
So, for me, it was quite a nice beginning to my day, to take notice of a state of being which nurtures me as spirit. It gave me a warm and fuzzy feeling, I suppose you could say. This is a man that I have been with for nearly 21 years now, and despite the close relationship we have mostly always had during that time, I am beginning to notice that we quite often allow the challenges of mundane life to come in and get between us and a sense of intimacy.
Oh, for certain, I am well aware that we all experience situations – life – in different ways. It is primarily dependent upon the filters of perception that each of us has established throughout our physical existence. What is considered to be intimate for one, may not be intimate for another. Still, seemingly energetic barriers can easily be erected without our being aware that such thing is occurring. At least until we take a small moment to stop and notice that is the case, and I suppose that is what I did this morning.
While there truly are no barriers existing between or around us, I am coming to believe that I don’t stop often enough to see the young man I fell in love with and married within the maturing man that I am in love with and have been married to for nearly 20 years now.
That is something that I must remember too… While these mortal shells we inhabit age and seemingly wither with time, the energy beings that we truly are within are immortal, timeless. It is for that reason that, even as we age, we quite often don’t feel any different than we did when we were children. We are still the same being, perhaps with many more and varied experiences under our belt, but we are still the same. We do not feel any older…
And so… it is with peace and joy in my heart that I venture into this brand new day. It is my hope to hold on to this feeling, even throughout the challenges that I may face over its course.
With one foot in this realm and the other a step closer to home, I am ever your child in mind and being,
~N
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