For, while the internet makes it possible to remain in contact with friends and family all over the world... there is only one or two friends I've been "separated" from by a move that I have actually had the pleasure to see again. Within, it feels more like "goodbye" than "see you later". "Later" rarely ever come...
"Losing" a friend can be a great change in one's life, and like all changes it can sometimes be akin to a small "death". With such situations, one can quite often experience grief as a result. In this situation, I've gone through denial, and, now, I've realized - today - I'm going through anger... Not the sort that one would be able to look at and immediately label as such, but it is anger none-the-less.
See, my friend was also my neighbor... And, while it is only going on a week since she and her family moved out, we already have new neighbors.
Now, admittedly, I am not an outgoing person. Not by any stretch of the imagination. It takes a while for me to warm up to someone. (It took some time for my friend and I to begin to spend time together.) I suppose you could say that I am guarded. But, when I do... Well, I like to think that I can be one of the warmest and kindest individuals you could meet. At least, I try to be...
Where our new neighbors are concerned, I find I am torn. I long for friendship with them, especially having experienced what it was like to have a dear friend living right next door. Yet... they are not she and her family, and it is the other side of the fence where I believe I am experiencing my grief.
It manifests in my thoughts and feelings. I have noticed myself becoming rather nit-picky about situations that I have not had time to confirm or deny where our new neighbors are concerned. It's too soon. They've only been here for a couple of days. I have been critical... It wasn't until this morning I realized this, after reading words shared by a wise friend on Facebook...
"Joy is cultivated through the way that you live your life. When a person integrates spirit into everyday life and expresses loving kindness to the self and others -- joy naturally follows." ~Rev Angela Peregoff ♥
"If you propose to speak, always ask yourself, is it true, is it necessary, is it kind?"~ Buddha
And while they were not necessarily meant for me, they were not lost on me. For it was through digesting them, that I realized, were I to keep on the mental path I was on, the situation with my new neighbors may have been "doomed" from the very beginning. Call it what you will... self-creation, self-fulfilling prophecy... what have you. It all boils down to the very same thing.
Today, I have been reminded that one can mentally know something - hear the words and regurgitate them verbatim - but if they are not truly digested and implemented where appropriate (ie in one's life) they are meaningless. Only by living the principle, can the lesson truly be learned. Which brings me back to a motto that I have allowed to fall by the wayside...
Let the heart lead...
~N
