Day 14,843 - Universal Reminder: Let the Heart Lead

I had a very dear friend move away this week.  One would think that this is something that I have become accustomed to over the years.  We are a military family, after all.  It is part of the lifestyle, however, it is something that I do not think I will ever become accustomed to - saying "see you later".

For, while the internet makes it possible to remain in contact with friends and family all over the world... there is only one or two friends I've been "separated" from by a move that I have actually had the pleasure to see again.  Within, it feels more like "goodbye" than "see you later".  "Later" rarely ever come...

"Losing" a friend can be a great change in one's life, and like all changes it can sometimes be akin to a small "death".  With such situations, one can quite often experience grief as a result.  In this situation, I've gone through denial, and, now, I've realized - today - I'm going through anger...  Not the sort that one would be able to look at and immediately label as such, but it is anger none-the-less.

See, my friend was also my neighbor...  And, while it is only going on a week since she and her family moved out, we already have new neighbors.

Now, admittedly, I am not an outgoing person.  Not by any stretch of the imagination.  It takes a while for me to warm up to someone.  (It took some time for my friend and I to begin to spend time together.)  I suppose you could say that I am guarded.  But, when I do...  Well, I like to think that I can be one of the warmest and kindest individuals you could meet.  At least, I try to be...

Where our new neighbors are concerned, I find I am torn.  I long for friendship with them, especially having experienced what it was like to have a dear friend living right next door.  Yet... they are not she and her family, and it is the other side of the fence where I believe I am experiencing my grief.

It manifests in my thoughts and feelings.  I have noticed myself becoming rather nit-picky about situations that I have not had time to confirm or deny where our new neighbors are concerned.  It's too soon.  They've only been here for a couple of days.  I have been critical... It wasn't until this morning I realized this, after reading words shared by a wise friend on Facebook...

"Joy is cultivated through the way that you live your life. When a person integrates spirit into everyday life and expresses loving kindness to the self and others -- joy naturally follows." ~Rev Angela Peregoff ♥

"If you propose to speak, always ask yourself, is it true, is it necessary, is it kind?"~ Buddha

And while they were not necessarily meant for me, they were not lost on me.  For it was through digesting them, that I realized, were I to keep on the mental path I was on, the situation with my new neighbors may have been "doomed" from the very beginning.  Call it what you will... self-creation, self-fulfilling prophecy... what have you.  It all boils down to the very same thing.

Today, I have been reminded that one can mentally know something - hear the words and regurgitate them verbatim - but if they are not truly digested and implemented where appropriate (ie in one's life) they are meaningless.  Only by living the principle, can the lesson truly be learned.  Which brings me back to a motto that I have allowed to fall by the wayside...

Let the heart lead...

~N

Day 14,544 – The Blessing of Emotions

Yesterday, I discovered that there is a danger as one is learning to become a "functional empath". That is the danger of attempting to place one's own emotions in the "court" of another. That is, attempting to slough off the responsibility of one's own emotions.

We are facing a situation that many have faced for far too many years, as of late, in our country. The reality of deployment.

Indeed, we are a military family. Like so many others throughout our country, and we are facing our third deployment - yet, our fourth major separation as a family. This time, if we're "lucky", it will be for a year. If we're unlucky... a year and a half. True, it was what we signed up for, as the decision for hubby to return to active duty was a joint decision, but it is one that is beginning to really wear on all of us. Thankfully, we only have a little over 3 years to go. Then, we can retire to a little plot of land that we've purchased.

Back to a lesson learned, however...

As we move closer to Hubby's departure, I am finding it increasingly difficult. Not only do I find myself more than just a little sad, but I am really quite apprehensive, as well. After all, as I mentioned, our family has already experienced 3 major separations since Hubby returned to active duty. Of those 3, I can say with all certainty that 1 can be deemed "successful". The other 2... Well, I feel as though I quite nearly lost my mind by the end, and both periods were shorter than that which we face.

While there is indeed a lesson to be learned from the previous separations, the successful as well as the unsuccessful, that isn't the one that I'm am addressing at the moment. Those lessons, however, are being addressed and will be shared at another time.

The lessons learned is that one, who is learning to be a fully functional empath, should not be so quick to attribute her emotions to another. Sometimes, it seems the easier route. After all, if the emotion does not truly belong to one, then one need not face it, right? One need not shine a light on it or even explore it...

A dear friend recently told me:

"Love your hurt. Bless your hurt. It's the only way I know how to dissolve it. To bless yourself for being able to feel."

Indeed. Emotions are wonderful things. Something that I have to remember and learn to embrace. After all, as an empath, emotions can sometimes be my nemesis. As an empath, not only do I feel my emotions, but I get to feel the emotions of every one around, as well as those that are not, and as an "untrained" empath, as yet, my abilities to do so still do not quite seem to be the gift that they are meant to be.

Emotions, in and of themselves, are a gift. They are one of the biggest parts of the human experience. They let us know what it feels like to be alive. After all, in our natural state of being as Spirit, we only feel love. That is all there is, and while it is a wonderful emotion, there is not the array of emotion that we feel while incarnated. How can we truly know what love feels like if we have nothing to compare it to? How can we know what a wonderful emotion happiness is, if we do not ever experience sadness?

I truly am blessed to feel... even at those times when I don't believe such to be the case. Even when I'm feeling the worst of emotional pains, it is satisfying to know that there is a happiness waiting for me to match the contrast in intensity.