When a child ventures far from home, he/she, most often, wants to write home, relaying their triumphs. I suppose that I am no different. I would much rather it to be believed that I am something of a master here. Who would not? I would only deceive were I to attempt to paint such a portrait of my life. The truth of the matter is that I have just as many, if not more, bad days here as I have good. I try not to focus too much awareness on them, though. Don’t want to continue to attract more of the same, but I do have them. Today happens to be just such a day…
Conflict. This is something that I have found myself contemplating this afternoon…
I feel I know the purpose of contrast. It is necessary in this duality driven realm. After all, how would we know the positive aspect, if we did not know its opposite? Still… in the case of conflict… I find it to be a most difficult and draining thing with which to contend. I don’t like it. Primarily the way that it makes me feel. Do not get me wrong. I will resort to it, if all other attempts of a more desirable nature fail. I do not, however, like doing so.
Why, I wonder, do humans have to go about things the most difficult of manners? Perhaps due to free will? If two people do not wish the same thing… Both are going to go head to head in order to get what they wish the outcome to be. It seems to me, though, that one cannot be asked to acquiesce on all occasions. But conflict, after a time, just feels so… draining. Especially in those situations when one seemingly has to engage in it all turns.
This is how I feel today…
The maintaining of a household. It is not an easy thing. Especially when you have many people, all with differing personalities, goals/motivations. It seems to me that each individual ought to play a part in the running of said household. Otherwise, the lion’s share of responsibility falls to one person alone. Something that takes a great deal of energy… But, one must gauge how much energy it takes for one to take on the lion’s share versus how much energy it takes to get the others in a household to do their share. Does one take more than another?
That is where I am today… trying to determine the answer to that question because honestly? Between everything that I do as part of my responsibilities to the household and elsewhere… I’m drained from my attempts to manifest my expectations. The conflict in trying to do so is simply too draining at this point.
I feel drained. This in conjunction with not having slept well the past two nights has laid me low.
Just another day as I journey on this road called life.
~N
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