Day 14,542 – Shedding the Barrier

I had a very long discussion with my eldest daughter last night. I have suspected for sometime that we’re a family of empaths; that my kids are, indeed, empaths, and I suppose that is one of my greatest inspirations for learning whatever I am able to learn with regard to living and thriving with my empathic abilities. It is my goal to assist them, at very young ages, to do the very same thing; to light their way along this path.

One of the things that we discussed was this shield of fat I carry around with me…

When I was in my late teens – when I met my, now, husband – I was much smaller. I wore a size 9. I had always struggled with my weight. As a child, I was overweight. Granted, I did not have the best of diet, but one tends to learn from the examples they are given. My parents worked very hard, and were, more times than not, too tired to cook at the end of the day. So, we would go out to dinner, and I was allowed to order whatever I wanted. It was not fast food, but I did not order the healthiest of meals, either.

In addition to this, I was being teased at school by the other kids for various reasons. I was overweight, being told I had bad breath, having hairy legs. I was only in 7th grade at the time… I had not been told that shaving was now necessary. All of this, as well as the nastiness that an empath can feel behind the words is enough to tear one apart from the inside out.

This all changed for me, though, once I hit high school. I entered a period that I was always busy with band, and when I joined the flag team… Between that, as well as spending my weekend nights at the teen dance club… The weight came off, and it would stay off until early adulthood.

Not only did I slow down, but I eventually moved into what my senses considered to be “hostile territory”. It was a place where I felt as though I was “under attack”; a place where words spoken to me did not match the true emotions that bubbled beneath the surface. It was then that I unconsciously began to build up my protective barrier of fat, and it’s a barrier that would continue to grow with the additions of three children to our family.

Many times, I have tried to rid myself of it. There were times when I was mildly successful. That was until some sort of circumstance occurred that subconsciously told me that it wasn’t “safe, yet”, and the weight would return in one manner or another, even when I worked to prevent it.

Now, however, I see this barrier for what it is, and I know that no matter how hard I try, I won’t be rid of it until I “fix” what is “broken” inside. Until I learn to work with my empathic abilities, rather than allowing them to rule me, I will not be able to shed it, and that, is what I am working on now.